The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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