I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
