How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
