You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize