This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
