blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
