I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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