how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize