He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
How does it feel to date your dad?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
