Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
