Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
