yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
