And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
