I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
