The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
