I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize