I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
