i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
