Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize