A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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