she looked like the bat from fern gully.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
