why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
