Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
