Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
