Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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