You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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