You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Two words: blizzard sex
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
