i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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