I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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