What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize