Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize