i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
