If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I supernannyed him into submission
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
