my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize