Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
