Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
