Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
In America we eat man semen.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I can't put those talents on a resume
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
