this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
