The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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