So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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