He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
