Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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