It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Why did my mother make you get naked?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
