Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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