I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
