all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
