my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
