Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
