So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
