Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
