it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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