hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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