i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
