She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
