I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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