Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
