he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Randomize
