The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
