Joe is yelling at the trees again.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
