Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
