I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
