He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
