i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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