just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
