i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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