The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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